did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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