Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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