Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
