wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
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I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
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One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈