At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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