mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
