WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
