I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
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