how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
