It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
