My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
