I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
