rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hippo gnu deer
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
and you fell through a lawn chair
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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