I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
