Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
