Girls should come with a carfax report
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
