you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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