I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
