never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
