Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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