I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize