all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
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My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
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Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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