If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
