I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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