hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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