im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
