Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
