What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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