My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize