smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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