allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
