I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
