All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You can't special order awesome
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
