I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
