Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
