He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
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Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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