You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
