You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
is it fun? or sober?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
