last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
