my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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