Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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