So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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