yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
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i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'