Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have peed in a lot of sinks