i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
