everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
