she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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