im drinking this country out of the recession.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
