I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
