i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
