I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
