doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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