where am i from again
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
