Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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