dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
