New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
