My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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