Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
