every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize