New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
