Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
