Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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