why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
