There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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