Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
