so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
