he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
