This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
third nipple confirmed
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
